Our Little Monkey

Our second child, Benjamin Boaz, came charging into this world and hasn't stopped. We had no ideas what his sex would be because, during the 80's, ultrasounds were just getting started and were not very accurate in regards to sex. We just felt that this baby was going to be a girl because we already had a boy! Isn't that how it is supposed to go? My labor was exactly and hour and a half and out came the baby, two pounds heavier than the first. His proud daddy looked at me and said, "We have a beautiful little girl!" The room became quiet and the doctor said, "Dad, you better check the plumbing, because you have a little boy!" Well, everyone laughed. When he was little, Benjamin went by his middle name, as many children from the South do. People were always commenting on what kind of name was Boaz and where did we find that name. Even Christians, who should know their Bible, would ask us where we found the name Boaz.

He was a very busy, active and masculine little boy. He enjoyed wrestling, playing sports and just going and going. The Energizer Bunny could have taken lessons from Ben! He also found mischief wherever it lurked. Benjamin was our child who, even as a toddler, wanted his Daddy when he was sick. He frequently had the croup, and migraines started around the third grade. In a way, I was grateful he wanted his dad since I had my hands full with four other little ones. Some of his favorite people were Lucas, our neighbor boy with dark red hair and just as much energy as Benjamin; Mr. Gilbert and his family, a member of our church; and Wayne Mund, a preacher fisherman from Alabama, who called Boaz a "little monkey" and said that boy is going to be handsome when he grows up. He never ran out of things to get into or reasons to have discipline rained down.

I used to tell people that he was either going to die by age five or I was by age 35. He was to the emergency room for almost cutting his little toe off, breaking his leg and other minor injuries. His nose was broken at age 16 while playing little league baseball. One thing you can say about our son is that he sure does live his life and enjoy just about every minute of it. He is like sunshine. People smile when he is around. In two weeks, our sunshine will be leaving for Kuwait, then to Iraq. You see, after 9/11, he felt God was leading him to join the US Air Force. He has a tremendous sense of justice. If you are the victim, he will do everything possible to protect you. If you are the villain, watch out! He will seek you out and it will be ugly for you. He has been part of the USAF for four years now. This is what he told me recently: "Mom, I knew what I was getting into when I signed up for the military. It isn't just an education. I know that I might be killed or crippled or missing in action. I know that I will see active duty in war. But, that is all right. I would gladly give my life so that others can have their freedom and protection."

What could I do but cry! So many young people join the military without knowing just what might be required of them. My son knows and is willing to give the ultimate sacrifice if the need arises. How can a parent not be proud of such a godly, giving young man? I know that God will protect our son, and if He takes him home to Heaven, it will be because He wants Benjamin there with Him.

I thank you , Benjamin Boaz, and all the young men and women who are just like you, willing to go to war so that we might have peace and safety. God be with you! Your dad and I will sorely miss you.

Looking to the Future

Death and dying are topics that people don't talk about, or even think about, until they come face to face with them. I'll admit that they are not glorious thoughts. There comes a time, though, when we do need to think about and plan for the future of our loved ones.

Because we do all die eventually.

I bring this up because, as a Hospice nurse, I see families trying to plan medical decisions, funerals, financial decisions all at a time of great confusion, grief and sadness. A person doesn't think straight during great times of stress. So, if you can indulge me for a few minutes, here are some suggestions.

It is easier to discuss funeral plans, memorial service plans and all the minute details of a person's death when they are very much alive and healthy. When a person is dying, he or she doesn't want to face that reality of funeral plans at that time. They want to work on trying to live! They try to work through the thought process of the dying. Family members are also coping with the near future loss of a loved one. They try to ignore that death is sometimes imminent. So make all these plans early at a time of health and financial stability. My parents made all their funeral and memorial service plans in their early 40's. I am so grateful to them for this foresight.

Second, draw up a will. It would be best to do this when a young couple get married and before children. But, it would definitely be a great idea to have a will if you have children. You need to specify who you want to care for them if something should happen to both of you. These are things we don't like to think about, but in reality, car accidents happen each day where both parents are killed. If you have an elderly parent who is facing assisted living circumstances, make sure they have a will made up. The elderly are prone to have memory loss, dementia and Alzheimer's. I'm sure that parents would like to have everything in order before it is too late.

Third, anyone who is 18 years old or older should fill out an advance directive. This assigns the person you want to make your medical decisions if you are incapacitated. It is called durable power of attorney. The form has specifics as to whether you want CPR, life-support, IV's, etc., if you should have some type of brain damage or coma. It saves a lot of grief to family if you make your preferences known. Otherwise, you have everyone guessing. Different family members will make decisions according to what they would want. This causes rifts and divisions among families, as we have seen with the Terry Schiavo case.

It is worth the money, time and effort it takes to have all these plans in place. Then when someone faces the reality that they are dying, everyone can rest and cope with (and enjoy!) all the days, weeks, or months that are left.

Encouragement

Commuting is becoming old hat to me these days. I work as a Hospice nurse in a different county from where I live. I'm not complaining. There are benefits as well as difficulties. I listen to many books on tape, sermons, Christian music and sometimes my children if I am blessed enough to have one of them in the car. I get to see my grandson, too!

One Friday evening as I was driving home, I was listening to the Christian radio station and heard a song that really encouraged my heart. I want to share some of the lyrics with you. "What if I climbed that mountain? What if I swam to that shore?/ What if every battle was victorious? Then would You love me more? / Would you love me more? What if I were everyone's first choice? What if I went farther than before? / What if I stood high above the rest? Then would You love me more? / Would you love me more? You say I belong to You, apart from the things I do / You say I belong to You, I'm in awe of why You do Why You do, why You do, I'm in awe of You /What if I ignored the hand that fed me? What if I forgot to confess? / What if I stumbled down that mountain? Then would You love me less? / Lord, would You love me less? What if I were everyone's last choice? What if I mixed in with the rest? / What if I failed what I passed before? Then would You love me less? / Lord, would You, would You love me less. What have I done to deserve your Son sent to die for me? What can I give? / I want to live, give me eyes to see In a world that keeps changin' there's one thing that I know is true. / Your love is stayin', there's nothing else I'll hold onto.” These are lyrics from Jadon Lavik's song "What If?"

Wow! Understanding flooded my heart as I listened to these words. It is so easy for us to be critical of others because they don't measure up to what we think are God's standards. I think we need to examine our hearts and ask ourselves if we are loving people the way God loves. Unconditionally! We attach so much baggage to our love for others. God loves His children who fail just as much as those who succeed — because His love is not contingent on our successes or failures but on the sacrificial gift of His Son's death and resurrection. It has nothing to do with us.

This encouraged me in that those young and old Christians alike who are struggling with sin, failure, depression, "carnality" are loved by God not more or less. They are loved the same as those who succeed and thrive. We are the ones who attach levels of love according to someone's works. We should be ashamed.

Thank you, Jadon Lavik, for writing those convicting words. They truly encouraged me.